I’m not all doom & gloom
So before you think I’m just a negative nelly, I did really enjoy taking classes at SAW that were outside my comfort zone. I think it must be an age thing, but it’s pretty unlikely that 10 years ago I would’ve attend SAW at all nonetheless on my own, and if I had I would’ve tried to take things that I was already pretty comfortable with. Something has happened where I push myself a lot more than I ever did. Or ever recognised that I did I mean I did go away for a year to live with a host family in New Zealand when I was barely 15 years old — even though technically it was an option to do a shorter stay somewhere else or 6 months in New Zealand, I didn’t think for me that was an option.
I moved myself to the UK. I sold most of my possessions and shipped the rest over. It wasn’t until I met my friend Keri, also an American who moved to the UK, and learned that she stored her stuff at her parents and came with two suitcases that I realised that that was an option I never even considered. I don’t know why I always have to just in at the deep end. No wonder I get stressed out…
Anyway, I’m glad I learned more about embroidery, quilting, and crochet — all things I had essentially no experience in. I realised that just like with anything, I’ll take more quickly and naturally to some things than others. I definitely want to pursue all three and hope that I’ll find a way in my life to tear myself away from the internet (I get distracted by all the creative people out there and their blogs/photos/projects/recipes) and really make a crafting life for myself even if that means staying with a day job that doesn’t stir up any sort of passion in me.Reading a lot of the other posts about SAW really makes me feel like maybe I was asleep the whole time I was there. I look at the pictures, and read the posts, and I get that same sense of wonder, excitement, and intrigue that I got before. The one that made me sign up and say ‘I want that to be me’. Of course my experience at the same exact event feels totally different like maybe I wasn’t at the same event.
I think part of it might be that I was never hugely social which people don’t believe. I’ve always liked, and require, time to myself or I start to feel overwhelmed and anxious. The jobs I’ve had in the UK have required me to get over a lot of that, and again, the age thing. In the past I would sit back a lot and observe groups of people before making friends. I wanted to make sure to find people that I would make a good connection with. I like having deep connections with people over superficial ones. (I’m the person on Facebook who would have maybe 30 friends, not 300. But I’m not on Facebook.) Once I’m comfortable with people, I’m pretty social.
A lot of my personality is based around humour and my brand of humour is different to a lot of peoples so its hard for me to feel like I can fit in. I have a pretty dark, dry and sarcastic sense of humour and have had many occasions where I’ve made a joke and my delivery has caused offense because it was so serious sounding. I mean, when my sister died, I had to crack a joke when my brother asked what we were gonna do with her. He looked at me and said ‘What is wrong with you?’ and I knew that actually my sister would’ve laughed at my joke — we had the same dark, dry and sarcastic sense of humour. My mom doesn’t really get a lot of my jokes and I always have to say ‘I’m joking, mom’. My dad does though. And my brother and his family in San Francisco.
This post is a bit more rambling than I had planned, but I just want to point out again, that there were some definite good things about SAW, but others that left me feeling flat and not as inspired and creative as I expected. Who knows, maybe some time I’ll go back with a friend and I can feel more free to be me and make all the dark jokes and someone will be laughing and I’ll get more from it.